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THE 
REAL AMERICAN GIRL 




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THE-DRAMAT1CPUBL15HING -COMPANY 



Hageman^s Make-Up Book 

By MAURICE HAGEMAN 
Price, 25 cents 

Tii._ Importance of an effective make-up is becoming ii.o»^„ ctpp3->~ 

ent to the professional actor every year, but liitherto triere lias been 
no boolt on tlie subject describing the modern methods and at ths 
same time covering all branches of the art. This want has no'? 
been filled. Mi\ Hageman has liad an experience of twenty year.v 
as actor and stage-manager, and his well-known literary ability has> 
enabled him to put the knowledge so gained into shape to be of 
use to others. The book is an encyclopedia of the art of making up. 
Every branch of the subject is exhaustively treated, and few ques- 
tions can be asked by professional or amateur that cannot be an- 
swered bj' this admirable hand-book. It is not only the best make* 
up book ever published, but it is not likely to be superseded by 
any other. It is absolutely indispensable to every ambitious actor 

CONTENTS 

Chapter I. General Remarks. 

Chapter II. Grease-Paints, their origin, components and use. 

Chapter III. The Make-up Box. Grease-paints. IVlirrors, Face 
powder and Puff, Exora Cream, Rouge. Liquid Color, Grenadine, 
Blue for the Eyelids, Brilliantine for the Hair, Nose P'itty. Wig 
Paste, Mascaro. Crape Plair. Spirit Gum, Scissors, Artists' Stomps. 
Cold Cream, Cocoa Butter, Recipes for Cold Cream. 

Chapter IV. Preliminaries before Making up; the Straight Make* 
up and how to remove it. 

Chapter V. Remarks to Ladies. Liquid Creams, Kouge. Lips, 
Eyebrows, Eyelashes, Character Roles, Jewelry, Removing Slake-up. 

Chapter VI. Juveniles. Straight Juvenile Make-up, Society 
Men, Young Men in 111 Health, with Red Wigs. Rococo Make-up. 
Hands, Wrists, Cheeks, etc. 

Chapter VII. Adults, Middle Aged and Old Men, Oi'dlnary Type 
of Manhood, Lining Colors, Wrinkles, Rouge, Sickly and Healthv 
Old A?e, Ruddy Complexions. 

Chapter VIII. Comedy and Character Make-ups Comedy Ef- 
fects, Wigs. Beards. Ej ebrows. Noses, Lips, Pallor of Death. 

Chapter IX. The Human Features. The Mouth and Lips, the 
Eyes and Eyelids, the Nose, the Chin, the Ear, the Teetli. 

Chapter X. Other Exposed Parts of the Human Anatomy. 

Chapter XI. Wigs, Beards, Moustaches, and Eyebrows. Choosing 
a Wig, Powdering the Hair, Dimensions for Wigs, Wig Bands, Bald 
Wigs, Ladies' Wigs, Beards on Wire, on Gauze, Crape Hair, Wool, 
Beards for Tramps, Moustaches, Eyebrows. 

Chapter XII. Distinctive and Traditional Characteristics. North 
American Indians, New England Farm.ers, Hoosiers. Southerners. 
Politicians, Cowl305's, Minors. Quakers, Tramps, Creoles, Mulattoes. 
Quadroons, Octoroons, Negroes, Soldiers during War, Soldiers dur- 
ing Peace, Scouts, Pathfinders, Puiitans, Early Dutch Sei; '.erf. 
Englishm.en, Scotchmen, Irishmen, Frenchmen, Italians, Spaniardfe. 
Portuguese, South Americans, Scandinavians, Germans, Holhniders. 
Hungarians, Gipsies. Russians, Turks, Arabs, Moors, Caflits. Aby?- 
sinians, Hindoos, Malays, Chinese, Japanese, Clowns and Statu-irv 
Hebrews, Drunkards, Lunatics, Idiots, Misers, Rogues. 

Address Orders to 
THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMFANV 

CHICAGO, ILLIKOB 



THE REAL 
AMERICAN GIRL 



AN ENTERTAINMENT 



By 

EMA L. HUNTING 



Copyright 1916 
By The Dramatic Publishing Company 



CHICAGO 
THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 



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CAST OF CHARACTERS 



Uncle Sam 


The Irish Girl 


The Messenger Boy 


The Scotch Girl 


The Goddess of Liberty 


The Italian Girl 


The Indian Girl 


The Russian Girl 


The Puritan Girl 


The German Girl 


The Colonial Girl 


The Scandinavian Gikl 


The Girl of 1830 


The Dutch Girl 


The Civil War Girl 


The Chinese Girl 


The Filipino Girl 


The Western Girl 


The Hawaiian Girl 


The College Girl 


The Porto Eican Girl 


The Athletic Girl 


The Alaskan Girl 


The Ordinary Girl 


.The Darkey Girl 






DEC 23 1916 

©Cfo 4570 6 
TMP92-009158 



COSTUMES 

In each case, the name of the character suggests the costume. 
It is suggested that care be chosen in assigning the parts so that 
as far as may be, the girl chosen will in herself represent tlit; 
nationality or type she plays. 

Uncle Sam. Straggling white whiskers, a tall white hat, red 
and white striped trousers with straps that fasten beneatli the 
arch of the boots, a blue * ' spike tailed ' ' coat and a blue waist- 
coat embellished with white stars. 

Goddess of Liberty. A loose white gown caught with a girdle 
of stars, or a sash in the national colors. A coronet of gold paper 
stars is on her head, and from her shouldei's may hang a national 
flag draped to form a graceful robe. 

Messenger Boy. A buttoned-up dark blue suit and messenger 
boy 's cap. 

Indian Girl. A plain waist and sliort skirt of brown sateen 
with fringes of the same ; leggins and moccasins ; a bright striped 
blanket about the shoulders. The hair should be worn in two 
straight braids hanging over the slioulders, bound around the 
temples with a strip of dark clothe from whicli, in the back, two 
turkey feathers stand erect. 

Puritan Girl. A plain gown of grey sateen, low shoes with 
buckles, a white apron, cap and kerchief. The kerchief may be 
fastened in front with three tiny bows of black ribbon. 

Colonial Girl. A gown of flowered chintz or silkaline made 
with a full skirt with panniers, and a pointed, tight fitting bodice. 
A lace ficliu may be worn, the hair powdered and dressed in a 
high pompadour with one large curl touching the left shoulder. 

Girl of 1830. A very full flounced skirt, a tightly fitted waist 
with flounced sleeves and lace about the low pointed neck. The 
hair is worn in ringlets about the face which is further framed 
by the flare of a flower-trimmed straw bonnet from whose crown 
hangs a long veil. Mitts are' worn, and a very large fan and bottle 
of smelling salts may be carried. The illustrations in many edi- 
tions of Dickens' books would be of great help in planning this 
costume. 

Civil War Girl. Hoop skirts, full rufiled dress skirt, a pietty 
poke bonnet, plain waist with lace at the throat. 

The Filipino, Hawaiian and Porto Rican Girls. These three 
enter together and may dress alike, in peaked Mexican hats — the 
straw outing hats will do nicely — full white waists with long flow- 
ing sleeves, and dark skirts. 

3 



4 THE REAL AMEBIC AN GIEL 

Alaskan Girl. A suit of white canton flannel, made with the 
nap out and trimmed with bands of white cotton batting may be 
worn. The suit should completely cover the figure, and be provided 
with a hood which fits closely about the face. 

Darkey Girl. A cotton dress of any brilliant color, with a vivid 
turban on the head. 

Irish Girl. A dark green skirt, with a border of gold sham- 
rocks, may be worn with a black bodice laced over a white blouse. 

Scotch Girl. A white blouse, short kilted skirt of plaid, the 
hair hanging loose and a Highland bonnet with a feather. From 
the left shoulder a length of the plaid may hang to the hem of the 
skirt. 

Italian Girl. A scarlet skirt over which a fine' white apron 
is worn. A green bodice and white blouse, the hair covered with 
a scarlet shawl. 

EussiAN Girl. A bright blue skirt, a white blouse with a 
beaded bolero jacket of black velvet. The hair hangs in two 
braids, and a flat white head dress hangs to the waist in the back. 

German Girl. Two long braids of fair hair hanging from 
beneath a fine lace cap; an embroidered bodice, with blue skirt 
and white apron. 

Scandinavian Girl. Similar to the German costume. 

Dutch Girl. Dark full skirt and low bodice over a white 
blouse. A little fringed shawl should be drawn tightly across the 
shoulders. A white head dress, fitting the head closely but with 
wide "wings" on either side behind the ears, conceals the hair 
except in front where a bit of the smooth, flat parting is shown. 
Wooden shoes may be worn. 

Chinese Girl. A flowered crepe kimona, wide sash with huge 
butterfly bow in the back, ornaments in the hair, little oriental 
slippers without heels and a tiny paper fan. 

Western Girl. Corduroy skirt, khaki blouse, sombrero hat, 
gauntlets, high tan shoes with spurs, a riding whip. 

College Girl. A white dress worn under an academic gown 
and mortar board. She carries a note book and fountain pen. 

Athletic Girl. White sweater and white wool skirt, a jaunty 
cap. She carries a basket ball. 

The Ordinary Girl. Any pretty, dainty costume suggested by 
the name — up to date, but not extreme. Probably a siiAple light 
gown and wide brimmed hat. 



THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL 



Scene — A large, plain room representing Uncle Sam's 
office, with large American flag draped on wall at 
the back center; door R. and opposite, a raised 
platform on, which are two large chairs or a settee, 
half facing front. 

Uncle Sam is discovered seated in one of the 
chairs on the raised plMform, with a pile of maga- 
zines and papers beside him, looking them through 
with a perplexed and wondering air. 

Goddess op Liberty. [Entering.'] You sent for me, 
Uncle Sam? 

U. S. [Looking up frorn his reading.'] Oh, yes — 
yes, I wanted to see you. [He goes to meet her.] It's 
very kind of you to come, Goddess. Won't you he 
seated? [He leads her to the platform, seating himself 
beside her.] 

Goddess. Thank you, I will he seated, Uncle Sam. 
You don't know how tired I get standing there on my 
pedestal and holding up that everlasting torch ! The 
wind and weather are trying to my complexion, too — I 
feel myself getting old and wrinkled. 

U. S. Nonsense, Goddess ! Why, you are a little 
older than I, and yet you look years younger. It must 
be because you lead such an out-of-door life. And be- 
sides, just look at the clothes I have to dress in ! I 'm 
mighty tired of this suit, I can tell you, but they won't 
let me have a different one. 

Goddess. They ? 

U. S. The newspaper cartoonists. But never mind 
our own troubles ; our time is short and I asked you to 
come to help me clear up a problem that puzzles me 

5 



6 THE REAL AMEBIC AX GIRL 

very much. The fact is, Goddess, I Avanted to ask yon — 
Who is the Real American Girl ? 

Goddess. The Real American Girl? 

U. S. Yes. [He picks up the magazines.'] These are 
full of conflicting reports concerning the American girl. 
For instance: [lie reads.] "The American girl is the 
queen among the girls of the world." Or this — "Is the 
American girl properly educated ? Most decidedly not. 
She is ignorant, selfish and ill-bred." Or this— "The 
flower of American civilization is its girlhood." Or — ■ 
"It is deplorable that the American girl cannot find a 
liusband on this side of the Atlantic, but in her weak 
vanity must search among the worn-out nobility of 
Europe for a titled bankrupt to whom her father's 
American money will compensate for her own lack of 
caste." And here — -"We hear much about the lovely 
senoritas of Spain, the famed beauties of Vienna, the 
grace of the women of Paris; but for charm and win- 
some sweetness the American girl heads the list." Now, 
how can any man make head or tail of such contradic- 
tions? Everything I pick up is full either of praise or 
criticism of the American girl, so that the only way out 
of it seems to be to find the real American girl and judge 
for oneself. So, Goddess, since you live in New York and 
see so many of them, and because you are so thoroughly 
American yourself, I asked you to come and answer the 
question for me — Who is the Real American Girl ? 

Goddess. Really, Uncle Sam, I don't know. The 
Real American Girl? As you say, there are so very 
many both in numl)er and in types — why not ask some of 
them to come here and then we can make up our minds. 

U. S. Excellent, Goddess— the very thing! It takes 
a woman's wit to work these things out. I shall summon 
them immediately. [He touches a hell. The Office Boy 
appears.] I am in search of the Real American Girl. 
I want you to notify the girls immediately, and ask all' 
who think they have a claim to that title to appear before 
me at once. You understand? 

Boy. All right, boss. 



THE RKAL AMKRICAN (URL 7 

U. S. No loafing, boy ! 

Boy. No, sir. [He goes.] 

Goddess. How lovely to have the postal service and 
all those things at your eonimand, Uncle. I never have 
a soul, even to relieve mv ol" my torch. It ties me down 
dreadfully. 

U. S. Oh, yes, yes — 1 have ])l('nty of people working 
for me, too many in fact for my peace of mind. I'm 
sure I treat them well, but they are always in a Sfjuabble 
of some sort. But, ah ! for once that boy is spry. [Boy 
puts his head in at the door.\ Well, boy, who have you 
there ? 

Boy. You want to look out, boss. She seems to be 
the real article, as if she just stepped down from a cigar 
store sign. Says she's the Indian Girl. 

Goddess. The Indian Girl? Bless nie. Uncle Sam, I 
never thought of her. 

U. S. Neither did I, Goddess. But bring her in and 
let her speak for herself. 

[The Boy ope)ts the door a)id tlie -Indian Girl enters 
ivarilij. Site stands straight and still before the two on 
the platform, saying nothing.] 

U. S. Well, well — aren't you going to bow to the 
lady — the Goddess of Liberty? 

Indian Girl. She brought no liberty to my people. 
For many moons liefore her torch lit up the great watere, 
my fathers had lived in freedom. The land was ours, 
the mountains and rivers and lakes ; the great prairies 
were our hunting grounds. Then.O Mightiest of the 
Palefaces, your people came upon our shores unasked ; 
your warriors fought with the red man, and killed and 
scattered and took his hunting grounds. The land 
belongs to you ; but you are men from another country ; 
your maidens are fair of skin ; the Indian maid is the 
Real American Girl ! 

U. S. Really, Goddess, there is something in that, 
you know ! 

■ Goddess. But think how well Ave treat you now — give 
you lands and schools — 



8 THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL 

U. S. [TJneasily, as the Indian Girl is about to spcaJi-.] 
Perhaps we had better not go into that, Goddess — no. 
You see, the Senate recently investigated and — well, you 
understand. Just step aside, my dear — I think I hear 
someone else coming. 

Boy. [Putting in his head.] There's another one 
here, boss — sort of bashful. Shall I bring her in? 

U. S. Certainly, certainly — bring her in. [The Puri- 
tan Girl enters shyly.'] A Puritan maiden! '' Modest 
and simple and sweet ! ' ' 

Goddess. Tell us, my dear — are you the Real Ameri- 
can Girl ? 

Puritan Girl. Not for myself do I speak, fair God- 
dess and head of our nation. Not to boast nor to claim 
a title that all must feel noble. Worthy, no doubt, are 
the maids of today, and modest and winning, skilled in 
much beyond our spinning and cooking. Yet this may I 
say, fair Goddess, for the Puritan maids of New Eng- 
land : Brave were they and true, and loved the land 
of their choosing; never sighed at their lot, nor feared 
the foes that beset them ; modest and simple and sweet f 
Perhaps — but more, patriotic ; first of American girls 
to love and work for their country. 

U. S. [Coming clown to shake her hy the hand.] You 
speak the truth, little Puritan maid, the very truth. It's 
very possible that we have found the one we wish, 
Goddess. 

Goddess. Possibly, Uncle Sam. But the messenger is 
returning. 

[The Puritan Girl takes her place beside the Indian 
Girl, and Uncle Sam resumes his seat as the Office Boy 
enters.'] 

Boy. Say — there's one out here now that beats 'em 
all — looks like a valentine. 

U. S. Well, well — bring her in. We want to see them 
all. [M^ith a loiv boiv the boy ushers in the Colonial 
Girl. She drops a deep curtsy.] Bless me. Goddess — 
who have we here ? 



THE REAL AM E It WAN LiLRL 

Goddess. Don't you ivnieniber? She is the Colonial 
Girl. Perhaps she died before yon were old enough 1o 
notice her much, but I was born during the Revolution, 
you know, and I remember her very well. 

U. S. To be sure — of course. And are YOU the Real 
American Girl? 

Colonial Girl. \^Yith another imposing conrtsy.] 
I protest, sir, doubting it is passing strange. Have j^ou 
forgot that for one notable tight with the Britishers I 
melted my second best shoe buckles into bullets for our 
soldiers'? Aye, and made a bonny flag from Grandaunt's 
silken petticoats ? It is not seemly for a maiden to seem 
to boast, but i' faith, it's been told me too often for 
further doubting, that more than one toast was pledged 
me after the Redcoats were driven out of Trenton, and 
that thoughts of me served in place of food during the 
long winter at Valley Forge! And one night in Phila- 
delphia town — my heart is like to burst yet at the 
thought — the great Washington bowed, and smiled at 
me while I made my courtsy before him — to the earth, 
sir, like this ! — and the French Lafayette, most polished 
of courtiers, led me through the minuet and said as he 
left me — "Your dancing is as admirable as your patriot- 
ism, ]\Iistress!" Truly, no maid could be more American 
than that ! 

U. S. Ton my word. Goddess, this is growing serious ! 
How is one ever to decide among so many charming and 
logical claimants? 

Goddess. Don't try until all have been seen. Let 
each present her claim and then step back and give place 
to the next. 

[Tlie Colonlvl Girl courtsies once more and takes 
her place beside the Puritan Girl, as the Boy lool.s in. 
He is laughing.] 

Boy. Say, of all the queer ones you 're having today ! 
There 's a prize here now — you ought to see her ! 

U. S. [SternJij.'] Boy, how often have I told you 
not to make remarks about my visitors? A good many 



10 THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL 

queer looking people come to call on Uncle Sara, but 
they are all welcome. Bring the lady in. 

Boy. [Unsquelchcd.l All right, boss — just as you 
say. But this one is the limit, I tell you that. [He 
opevs the door with a flourish., and the Girl of 1830 
enters. She is languid, affected, sentimental and over- 
dressed in the absurdities of the fashions of her time. 
The Boy remains to grin at /ter.'J 

Girl of 1830. La, Uncle Sam, why do you keep such 
vulgar' creatures around '? Go away, boy — you give me 
the vapors! [Boy vanishes in high glee.] It is so 
shocking to one's sensibilities, Uncle, to go about among 
the common people without an escort. As Cousin Mehit- 
able used often to say to me — Cousin Mehitable Perkins, 
she that was a Bradford — one of our oldest families, 
you know — her mother w^as my step-aunt's own second 
cousin — as she often said to me when I was a child — 
"No lady, Angelina, my love, ever allows the stare of 
the vulgar to disturb her composure ' ' — but, alas ! I 
have not her strength of mind. In fact, I 'm a very silly 
little thing, quite a child, though I could do my suras 
very neatly at the finishing school, and my painting on 
satin was very much admired. And Cousin Mehitable 
always said to rae — "In a Avoraan, Angelina, love, breed- 
ing takes the place of brains." 

U. S. This is very interesting, young lady, Init may 
T ask what it has to do with your being the Real Ameri- 
can Girl? 

Girl of 1830. La, sir. I protest it is plain enough. 
Surely you would not choose one of the bold, mannish, 
vulgar creatures who call themselves American girls 
today? They go about like men, and are afraid of 
nothing — not even, sir, of a mouse, which no well-bred 
woman will face without screaming! Many of them 
never worked a sampler in their lives nor made hair 
flowers; and they take no care of their complexions, 
sir, while their hands are soraetiraes tanned — most vul- 
gar! As for their looks — they are healthy as serving 
maids, and their collars would just serve me for a 



THE REAL AJIEUICAN CilllL 11 

belt. And 1 liavc heard tliat some of tliein, even from 
the best families, though it seems impossible, EARN 
THEIR OWN LIVING! 

ir. S. Hum.! 

Goddess. Yes, it's true. Uncle Sam — times have 
changed since I was young — though Heaven knows I'm 
tanned enough and work for my living, too ! 

U. S. Well, well — we will consider you witli the 
others, young lady. 

\Thf Girl of 1830 tal-cs her place disdain fidhj with 
the other girls as Boy looks in.] 

Boy. Got a lot of room left? 

U. S. Room ? What for ? 

Boy. Well, you'll need it for the next one. 

[lie ushers in the Civil War Girl. She wears wide 
hoop skirts and a poke bonnet, but her costume is plain.l 

U. S. [Jumping up to meet her.] Come in, come 
in — I know who you are. Bless me, I should think I 
ought to ! You helped me out of the worst hole I was 
ever in. Goddess, you remember the Civil War Girl? 

Goddess. Indeed I do, and am delighted to see you 
again. 

Civil War Girl. It is kind of you both to greet me 
so cordially when I must recall a most anxious and sad- 
dening time to your minds. But you are in search of 
the Real American GJirl. Uncle Sam, in '61, the real 
American Girl said goodbye to her sweetheart and sent 
him bravely off to fight for the nation ; for four long 
years, both North and South, she took the place of 
brothers and fathers in her home and fought with pov- 
erty and sorrow and loneliness ! She gave all — more 
than she could spare, to her country ; and often the end 
of the war brought no help, no returning loved ones, 
but only the aching memory of a happiness she might 
never know again ! The Real American Girl is the girl 
who has given all to her country and yet loves its flag 
with all her saddened heart. 

U. S. AND Goddess. Bravo — bravo! 



12 THE REAL A3IERICAN GIBL 

Puritan Girl. But I, too, gave up all I loved — 
hortie, friends, comfort, safety even, and with nothing 
but courage and faith, for my aid, dared the perils of 
sea and wilderness ! 

Colonial Girl. Men were killed by Britishers as well 
as rebels ! 

U. S. Well, well — ^now really, young ladies — God- 
dess, positively, I almost regret summoning them here — 
it's harrowing to a man's feelings. 

[The girls continue to discuss the question at the hack 
of the stage. The Boy enters , in a state of petrified 
astonishment .1^ 

Boy. Well, I'll be blowed ! 

U. S. No, you'll be fired if you don't look sharp. 
What's the matter now? 

Boy. Matter? Say, boss, it was bad enough to have 
'em come one at a time, but when they take to coming 
by threes — 

U. S. By threes? 

Boy. Sure, And all I got to say is, I ain't never 
worked for nobody that had no such queer birds as 
these coming to see him. 

[He departs, and the girls from Hawaii, the Philip- 
pines and Porto Rico enter. They form a prim little 
line, holding each other's hands, and hoiv. Everybody 
stares, aghast.] 

Girl op 1830. La, Uncle Sam, they look like heathens ! 

U. S. Lord bless my soul, young ladies ! You seem 
familiar, but I can't place you. You must really tell 
us, you know, who you are. 

[The three how once more, turn slighthj to the audi- 
ence, and sing. The tune is the verse and the first move- 
ment of the refrain of the Heidelberg Stein Song from 
''The Prince of Pilsen."'] 

Far o'er the foam from our island home 

Our greeting we bring to you ! 
The country of flowers and sunny hours, 

Where skies are smiling and blue. 



THE BEAL AMEBICAN GIBL 13 

But the burdensunie chain of the tyrant, Si)ain, 

Had fettered our hands like slaves, 
Till the land of the free brought sweet lil)erty 

To the countries across the wide waves. 
Here's to the land that made us free, 

Here's to the hoys in blue, 
Here's to the ships that crossed th6 sea, 

Here's to the sailors true! 
Here's to the flag we all adore, 

All other flags aboVe ! . 
Long may it wave from shore to shore ! 

Here 's to the land we love ! 

[All applaud enthusiastically, crying '^ Bravo!" and 
Uncle Sam goes down to greet them.'] 

U. S. Bless my stars and stripes, I'm glad you came! 
But I declare I don't know yet — let me see — [To the 
first.] — you are from — ? 

Philippino Girl. The Philippines. 

U. S. Of course ! And you 1 

Hawaiian Girl. From Hawaii. 

U. S. Dear me, yes! And you? 

Porto Rican Girl. From Porto Rico. 

Philippino Girl. But we are all Americans now, 
you know ! 

U. S. Bless your hearts, of course you are ! Take 
your places with the others. [As they do so, lie goes 
back to his seat, mopping his brotv.] Goddess, this is 
positively too much. I give it up. When it comes to 
South Sea Islanders and — and — it's too much! 

Girl of 1830. Uncle Sam ! As a lady, I must object 
to being classed with these — newcomers. Cousin Mehit- 
able always said, ''Angelina, never converse with a per- 
son of whose grandfather you are not sure!" 

[A commotion is heard outside, in the midst of ivhieh 
the door flies open.'] 

Boy. [Outside, angrily.'] Well, go in then! 

Alaskan Girl. [Runs in and calls back through 



14 THE EEAL A2IERICAN GIBL 

the doorwaijJ] Of course I'll go in — T belong there as 
much as anybody ! 

U. S. An Es({uimau — from Alaska, of course ! 

Alaskan Girl. Don't I belong here. Uncle Sam? 
I'm an American girl. I look different from some of 
the others, but that's because of the climate. Inside 
I'm as American as anybody. My country is filled with 
ice and snow, but our love for the stars and stripes is 
as warm as anybody's — especially since that brave flag* 
flies where no other flag has ever been — on the very 
tip-top of the world — the North Pole itself! 

U. S. Belong here ? Of course you do. I paid a cool 
seven million dollars so that you should belong. [Aside 
to Goddess.] Though I don't think, really, you know, 
that we need consider her seriously. 

Boy. [Enters.] Say, boss, now we're going to have 
some fun! Look who's here! [He flings the door open 
and discloses the Darkey Girl. She smiles broadly and 
drops a courtesy in the doorway.] 

Darkey Girl. Howdy, Uncle Sam! Howdy, God- 
dess! Foil de Ian' sakes ! Look at all dese gals already 
heah. 'Pears like Ah never gits nowhare on time. But, 
sho when Ah heard Uncle Sam w^as lookin' for the Real 
'Merican Girl, Ah just come right along. Real 'Meri- 
can? Well, whar'd you-all find any lady more 'Merican 
than I is? Why, the whole country fought theirselves 
most to pieces over the black folks — yes, sah. And more 
than that — who are all your songs Avrit about — huh? 
''Swanny Ribber" an' ''Ole Kentucky Home" an' all 
the rest of 'em? Oh, I tell you. Uncle Sam, ef there's 
a real 'Merican on dis heah earth, it's de colohed ladies 
an' gemmen ! You-all like to heali a song Ah writ about 
dat ? — some other gemmen writ the toon, but Ah made 
up the words out-a my own haid — yes, sah ! [>8'// e sings. 
The tune is the chorus of '"That's the Way to Spell 
Chicken."] 

"M" — dat's de way to begin, 
And-a "E" — dat's de next letter in; 



THE REAL AMERICAN CURL 15 

"R"— for dat am de third, 

And "I" — dat's de next in de word; 

"C"— dat's to fill it in, 

"A" — I'se nearin' de en', 

M-E-R-I-C-A-N ! Dat's de way to spell 'Merican! 

[In the midst of the applause and laughter, the Boy 
enters. He is once more disdainful.l 

Boy. I ditln't mind while you stuck to American 
girls, boss ; but if I have to open this door to every sort 
of girl on earth, I'll strike for higher wages — that's 
flat. This ain't no Ellis Island. 

[He holds the door open while the Irish, Scotch, 
Italian, Russian, German, Scandinavian, Dutch and 
Chinese Girls enter, one after another. Forming a 
curving line across the stage, theij courtesy or hoic, the 
Chinese Girl s-inhing to the floor in a deep salaam. 
Uncle Sam rises nervously to address them.~\ 

U. S. My dear young ladies, I am charmed — I — 1 
may say overwhelmed, at the honor of your visit ; but 
I fear — the fact is, I am in search of the Real American 
Girl, and I- fear a mistake has been made — 

Irish Girl. A mishtake, is it? Shure, thin, it's your- 
silf would be aftlier makin' it — savin' your prisince. 
It's Rale American you're lookin' for? Thin I'm 
tellin' ye, ye '11 niver foind it onless ye foind it here. 
Whist now ! I 'm from Old Ireland mesilf , and there 's 
no place loike it — that's why I left' — and all these las- 
sies are from ither countries. But d'ye mind, all of 
'em came here on purpose to be Americans. I'm sayin' 
nothing against the natives, yer honor — [She sweeps the 
other characters with a contemptuous look and ges- 
ture.] — but I'd be afther askin' ye this, by yer leave — 
which gets the more credit, the lass that is American 
because she was bor-r-ii here and can't help it, or the 
lass that came here because she wanted to be an 
American ? 

U. S. You know, Goddess, that looks reasonable, too. 



16 THE REAL AMEBIC AN GIRL 

Goddess. But, my good girl, is that why all of these 
others have come to America — to become Americans? 

Irish Girl. Far be it from me to be decavin' ye, 
mum — though to be sure you better ax 'em. Some 
talks English, some don't. 

U. S. Come, that's fair. Goddess. We'll try it and 
begin with the bonny Scotch lassie. How is it — are you 
really an American girl? 

Scotch Girl. Ave. 

U. S. And you, little Italy ? 

Italian Girl. Si, Senor. 

U. S. You too? 

Russian Girl. Yess, master. 

U. S. And you, little German fraulein? 

German Girl. Ja, mein herr. 

U. S. And the Scandinavian? You are American? 

Scandinavian Girl. I tank so. 
. U. S. And you?— Init don't talk Dutch; I can't 
understand it. {The Dutch Girl nods and courtesies.] 
But see here — I thought we told you Chinese not to 
come ? 

Chinese Girl. Me 'Melican gel. Come allee time 
from my miserable, insignificant land to your honorable 
country. 

U. S. But, young ladies, I don't understand. You 
each love your own country, do you not? [All give a 
decided affirmative as before.] Then how can you love 
America and why do you come here? 

Goddess. Yes, tell us that. From my high place in 
the harbor I see the great ships bringing these people 
by thousands and thousands, and I wonder, up there 
all alone, what brings them. 

Russian Girl. You bring us, lady ! A gleam of your 
torch flashed into the blackness of our life in faraway 
Russia. We followed the gleam — we are here — we are 
here. We work still, but we are free ! 

Goddess. For freedom, then — you come for that, all 
of you ? 



THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL 17 

\AU answer in- affirmative except the Irish Girl, Ital- 
ian and Dutch.] 

Italian Girl. Senora, Ave starve. My fadder he 
come, he sell-a da fruit, he sing, he play, he send-a da 
111011. Senora, M^e are here! 

Irish Girl. Faith, the pig died and the praties 
failed, by the will of the blessed saints. 

Dutch Girl. Mein yonng man, he eoora. Undt ven 
lie sendt for me — I coom. 

Scotch Girl. But ye ken, vs^e would na go back. 
We've been no lang ower the sea, but our hearts are 
liound sair tenderly to your bonny flag and you'll And 
no inair true Americans among your ain. 

U. S. I believe you, every one. You are Americans 
in heart if not in blood. Am I right? [They agree as 
before and step hack as the Boy opens the door.\ 

Boy. The real article's coming now, Boss, and she 
can have me any old time. 

{He steps aside, as the Western Girl, in corduroys, 
sombrero and gauntlets enters urith a swagger.'] 

Western Girl. Howdy, pard! [Uncle Sam, some- 
what astonished, goes forward to take her outstretched 
hand.] Looking for the real thing, are you? Well, 
I reckon that's me, all right. Say, you Weren't thinking 
of those doll babies, were you? \ Indicating the other 
girls.] Why, what you want is a girl who can do things 
— get out and hustle, liridle a horse and ride like a man, 
shoot straight, too, if she has to, or cook a meal for a 
lot of hungry ranchers. Those girls are all right in 
their way — sure they are — but land, you can find thou- 
sands just like 'em all over the world, and you'll never 
find anybody like me outside America. Isn't that right. 
Goddess ? 

Goddess. I 'm sure I never saw anyone like you ! 

Western Girl. Is that right ? Well, say, you chuck 
that old torch some time — I don't see why you don't 
use an arc light, anyhow — and come out west into God's 
country, and I'll show you lots of folks like me. You 
belong out there, anyhow. 



18 THE HEAL AMERICAN GIRL 

U. S. I'm glad there are lots of people like you. 
The country needs them. 

[She takes her place with the others as the Boy 
looks in.^ 

Boy. Say, boss — what are you starting ^lere^ — a 
Young Ladies' Seminary? 'Cause if you are, just count 
me out! \The College Girl enters, in, cap and gown, 
carrying a notebook.] 

U. S. Ah ! The Sweet Girl Graduate ! I am honored, 
Madame ! And do you think that you are the person 
we are in search of — the Real American Girl? 

College Girl. I am not prepared at once, sir, to 
answer your question. In a problem of so much im- 
portance, involving such tremendous and far-reaching 
results, great care must be exercised to avoid the com- 
mon error of untrained minds — namely, to arrive at a 
definite conclusion. I have here a large amount of data 
on the subject prepared by eminent authorities; taken 
from treatises on Euthemics, on Sociology, on Anthro- 
pology, on Psychology, on — 

Western Girl. Aw, cut it! 

College Girl. I BEG your pardon? 

"Western Girl. I say cut out the trimmings and get 
down to the real business of college life — what Sorority 
did you make and how did the Michigan-Chicago game 
come out? 

College Girl. [Going to her eagerly.] Six to noth- 
ing — wasn't it awful? And what are you? I'm a 
Hi Fly. 

Western Girl. Oh, are you? I'm a Let-er-Fly. 

Boy. [Entering, much excited.] I take that all 
back, boss ! You don 't catch me leaving while this one 
is around. And, say, between you and me and the 
Goddess, she's the winner all right — 

U. S. That will do, l)oy. 

Boy. Just's you say, boss, but she gets the blue rib- 
l)on from me ! [He iishers in the Athletic Girl.] 

Athletic Girl. Hello, good people. Awfully glad 
to see you. How are you. Uncle? You don't look very 



THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL . 19 

fit, Goddess. "IVhy don't you come down oft' tliat pedestal 
onee in awhile ami take a little exercise? Just what 
you need. Here, boy — catch! |<S7/c throws the ball to 
him, and he catches it reverenthj, and stands hugging 
it and grinning with delight. \ So you are looking for 
the Real American Girl, Uncle Sara? I cut a match 
game on purpose to come and show her to you. 
U. S. You mean — yourself? 

Athletic Girl. Why not? There's nothing but 
good, clean American bone and muscle in me — look at 
that arm ! — and no foolishness, either. A girl like me 
is just like the country — straight from the shoulder, 
never-say-die, up-and-at-'em, a good comrade to the last 
ditch, as clean and strong as our big prairies. Why, if 
the Goddess there should ever take a notion to retire 
into private life, I could climb right up on her perch 
and hold that torch as steady as a star! Couldn't I, 
girls ? 

\The girls cdl assent enthusiastically, the Boy yells 
^'Hurray!" hnt the Girl op 1830 comes forward to 
'protest. \ 

Girl of 1830. Uncle Sam, I vow — such color, such 
nuisele, such — such FEET! Cousin Mehitable — 

Boy. Aw, ferget it! 

U. S. Boy! leave the room! [He goes, defiantly 
hugging the ball.] Now, my dear young ladies, I feel 
that this matter should be settled, although I confess 
that, 'pon my word and whiskers, I don't know how- 
to settle it. Such an array — I may say such a bewilder- 
ing array of — of beauty and — and — merit, is — is too — 
as I was saying, such an array — an array, young ladies, 
is — is too much for me! [Girls all laugh and applaud. 
Uncle Sam mops his brow.] Goddess, positively, I 
must rely on you. How, among so many claimants, can 
this matter be arranged? 

Goddess. Mercy, don't rely on rae. Uncle Sam. I 
give it up. Enlightening the world is a snap compared 
with this. 

U. S. But we must do something. 



20 THE REAL AMEBIC AN GIBL 

Western Girl. [Stepping forward.] Look here, 
Uncle Sam — why not let us settle it? 

All. Us ? 

Western Girl. Sure — why not? Out in my coun- 
try when we want to get any place we hit the trail. 
Let's nominate folks for the place and then all vote 
on 'em. 

U. S. Good idea — eh, Goddess? What do you say, 
girls? [All agree.] Well, then, let's begin. Who's 
the first nominee? [Silence. Everyone looks around, 
confused.] Come, come — we can't vote unless we have 
some one to vote on. [More silence.] Speak up — don't 
be afraid; who shall it be? By Jove, I've always had 
my doubts about woman suffrage. 

Goddess. [Douht fully.] Mr. Chairman, no one can 
nominate herself, you see — and so — 

U. S. Hum! That's so. Well, see here, girls— I'LL 
name each one in order, and you can get a chance to 
vote on all of them. How's that? [Delighted assent.] 
All right then — here goes. The Indian Girl? [A cho- 
rus of characteristic negatives — No! Not much! Ncin! 
I should say not! Lawsy, no! Nay!] Ah, then we 
pass on to the next. The Puritan maid? [A similar 
chorus, louder than before.] My dear young ladies'! 
Surely there are some who favor the Colonial Girl? 
[More negatives.] Really, now — the Girl of 1830? 
[More noise.] The Civil War Girl ? [Ditto.] 

Boy. [Looking in in the midst of the tumult.] Say, 
boss — boss ! [All stop to liste^i.] There 's another one 
here. 

U. S. Another? Heaven send she be the right one — 
this is growing awful. What is she like? [All repeat, 
''What is she like?"] 

Boy. Why, I don't know. She's pretty good look- 
ing, and looks smart and wears nice clothes — looks as if 
she could sing and dance and cook, you know, and be 
mighty good to a chap and — well, I don't know. She's 
just an ordinary girl. 

U. S. [Rising.] An ordinary girl! 



THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL 21 

Goddess. \^liisi)i(j.\ An ordinary girl! 

The Girls. ^Stepping forivard.\ An ordinary girl! 

Boy. Sure — what nioie do you want? 

Goddess. Why, Uncle Sam, the boy has struck it! 
What more do we want than an ordinary girl? 

[Girls give a delighted chorus of assent — Yes, yes, 
J a, etc.] 

U. S. [Slapping his knees.] Girls, we have found 
her at last — bring her in, boy, bring her in — The Real 
American Girl ! Bless my soul, here she is ! 

[Boy fli)igs the door open and the Ordinary Girl 
enters. She is pretty, frank, simple, np to date, happy 
and healthful. Uncle Sam takes off his hat to her, while 
the others applaud.] 

The Ordinary Girl. They told me that you wanted 
to see The Real American Girl, Uncle Sam, so I came 
as soon as I could. Am I the one you meant? 

U. S. [Crossing the stage to her.] My dear young 
lady, come here. [He leads her to a place on the plat- 
form hetiveen himself and Goddess, and faces the other 
girls.] Young ladies, you shall decide. We have here 
an ordinary, all around, up to date, healthy, happy 
girl, pure, clever, pretty and good, and there are mil- 
lions of others just like her. Young ladies, I ask you 
once more — Is this The Real American Girl? 

[There is an enthusiastic cry of ''Yes, yes — The Real 
American Girl!" and each girl flings up her right hand 
obliquely toward the platform in token of assent and 
salute.] 

TfiE Ordinary Girl. [Coming a step fonvard and 
stretching out her hands toward the others.] We are all 
real American girls — every one, from the north, the 
south, the east, the west, from the lands across the sea 
and the islands of the tropics, black, white, brown and 
yellow, rich and poor. For in every heart, above, 
around, beneath all else, glows and burns a grateful 
pride, a loyal zeal for ''The Land We Love"! 

[As she speaks the last words, all step fonvard, form- 
ing a semi-circle across the stage, with the Goddess op 



22 THE REAL AMERICAN GIRL 

Liberty, the Ordinary Girl ana Uncle Sam at one 
end and the Boy at the other, and sing, with gestures 
indicated, the following parody on the chorus of the 
Stein Song used before.] 

[Right hand raised ohliqucly in salute.] 

Here's to the land that gave us birth. 

Here's to her colors true, 

\Left hands.] 

Here's to her sons, the best of earth. 

Here's to her daughters, too! 

[The line divides in the center, those on the left 
turning half to the right and extending the right hand 
toward the flag at hack, those on the right vice versa.] 

Here's to the flag we all adore, 

All other flags above ! 

[Hands down, face front.] 

Long may it wave from shore to shore ! 

\ Right hands raised, straight front.] 

Here 's to the land we love ! 



CURTAIN, 



THREE LAMENTABLE TRAGEDIES OF 
SHAKESPEARE 

ARRANGED IN SONG AND VERSE 
By 

ONA WINANTS BORLAND 



The Lamentable Tragedy of Julius Caesar 

Burlesque in five short acts for twelve sim^inj; parts. 

For costumes, slieets trimmed with broad bands of some bright color 
have been suecesslully draped to resemble the Roman toga. Even 
kimonas of a plain color have been used. A loose garment should bo 
worn beneath as a tui.ic. Sandals may be laced up with a color con- 
trasting with the color of the stockings. The men may wear fillets or 
laurel wreaths. For armor, chafing dish standards or small kettles 
answer for helmets. Chafing dish lids or the lids of clothes boilers 
make effective shields. The standard for a brass teakettle may be used 
for the crown. The "lean and hungry Cassius" may be gotten up in 
contrast to the well-fed Brutus. Let the Soothsayer depict an Oriental 
Jew with false nose; his gown should be covered with the signs of the 
zodiac, snakes, and so forth. Price, 25 cents. > 



The Lamentable Tragedy of Omelet and Oatmealia (Hamlet) 
Burlesque In five acts for twelve sinking: parts. 

Cast: — KIXG FR.\.UDIL'S — Potted boneless chicken, usurping the 
throne of Chanticleer. OMELET — His nephew, son of the former king 
BOLOGXIUS — Lord chamberlain. POSTUil — His son. BACOXIfS — 
Friend to Omelet. SUXXY JIM, JIM DUMPS — Courtiers. GHOST OF 
('H.\XTICLEER. TOASTEM — A grave digger. MILK — Mother of 
OMELET, and Queen. OATMEALIA — Daughter of Eolognlus. CA- 
iIELI.4 KIDD — A supe, — one of the plavers. 

SCEXE:^Castle of Ills-Galore, City of Illville. TIME: — To-morrow. 
The tunes are all old and familiar; most of them will be found in 
"Home Songs." Price, 2.5 cents. 



The Lamentable Tragedy of McLizzie (Macbeth) 
Burlesque in five acts for the following eliaTacters: 

DUXCAN — Prohibition senator. 
MICHAEL McLIZZIE — Candidate 

for U. S. Senate, backed by 

"wets" and "suffragettes." 
HOWCOME — Duncan's son. 
ADDLEBRAIN — Duncan's secre- 
tary. 
HERR VOX TOUGH^The dark 

horse candidate. 
SCHXEIDER AXD HIS BAXD OF 

THREE — Adherents of von 

Tough. 
LIZZIE McLIZZIE — An ambitious 

wife. 



PAT FIXXIGAX 1 
MIKE MAGUIHE I Adherents of 
BILLY FLYXX ('McLizzie. 
MIKE McGLYX j 

DIXXIS ) 

PETE f Policemen 

DYER ) 

FIRST. SECOXD. AXD THIRD 

SUFFRAGETTE — Who speak 

for themselves. 

Chorus of frcm eight to fifty male 
and female voices. 



These fine burlesques have been presented by Smith College. Chicago 
University, etc., and are the most amusing comedies for many years 
for girls' college clubs, and for church societies. The author is a Smith 
College girl and the wife of Congressman Borland. Each copy will be 
sent, postpaid, for 2.5 cents. 

Address orders to 

THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 



A ROSE O' PLYMOUTH 
TOWN 

A ROMANTIC COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS 

By 

BEULAH MARIE DIX 

and 

EVELYN GEENLEAF SUTHERLAND 



PRICE, BOUND IN CLOTH, $1.25 
BOUND IN PAPER COVER, 50 CENTS 



This comedy is dedicated to Miss ]\Iinuie Dupree, who 
first impersonated "Rose," the exquisite female leading 
part. There are four male and four female characters 
in the play, which takes an entire evening. The cos- 
tumes are of the period of 1622, in New England. 



SYNOPSIS 



Act I — The Kitchen in Captain Standish's house. An 
early August morning — Stolen Fruit. 

Act II — The Dooryard of Captain Standish's house. 
An afternoon in October — A Maid's Toys. 

Act III — Same as Act I. A night in ]\Iarch — The Red 
Light on the Snow. 

Act IV — Same as Act I. The next afternoon — The 
Better Man. 

Address orders to 

THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 



Practical Instructions for 
Private Theatricals 

By W, D, EMERSON 
Author of **A Country Bomance," "The Unknown Eival/' 
"Humble Pie," etc. 



Price^ 25 cents 



Here is a practical ba-nd-book, describing in detail all tht 
accessories, properties, scenes and apparatus necessary for ao 
amateur production. In addition to the descriptions in words, 
everything is clearly shown in the numerous pictures, more 
than one hundred being inserted in the book. No such useful 
book has ever been offered to the amateur players of any 
country. 

CONTENTS 

Chapter I. Introductory Remarks. 

Chapter II. Stage, How to Make, etc. In drawing-rooms 
or parlors, with sliding or hinged doors. In a single large 
room. The Curtain; how to attach it, and raise it, etc. 

Chapter III. Arrangement of Scenery. How to hang it. 
Drapery, tormentors, wings, borders, drops. 

Chapter IV. Box Scenes. Center door pieces, plain wings, 
door wings, return pieces, etc. 

Chapter V. How to Light the Stage. Oil, gas and electric 
light. Footlights, Sidelights, Eeflectors. How to darken the 
stage, etc. 

Chapter VI. Stage Effects. Wind, Rain, Thunder, Break- 
ing Glass, Falling Buildings, Snow, Water, Waves, Cascades, 
Passing Trains, Lightning, Chimes, Sound of Hors» •' Hoofs, 
Shots. 

Chapter VII. Scene Painting. 

Chapter VIII. A Word to the Property Man. 

Chapter IX. To the Stage Manager, 

Chapter X. The Business Manager. 

Address Orders to 
THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANt 

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 



PLA\ 




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